Amazing, thats how i am feeling tonight ! I have been to the gym loads this week and have Paid alot of attention to the food intake and I am feeling pretty damm good. Even my arms are starting to get the tiniest amount of definition to them. Which is nothing short of a miracle. Since the beginning of time i have never been able to 'flex' my biceps and show of a bit of muscle. Funny because i have spent most of my life riding, mucking out, grooming etc horses. i mean i could at one time easily carry up to ten bales of hay on a wheelbarrow so I'm no weakling. Now as I'm doing alot more weights all of a sudden I'm seeing a little bit of muscle. Pathetic thing to get excited about but if your ten year old daughter has bigger biceps than you its time to worry.
Lots of gym next week I am finding it much easier with the running and can easily manage between 10-15 minutes of solid running and once my heart rate goes down to normal I run again for as long as i can. By the end of the week i am hoping to have got my run up to about 20 minutes. My style of running is certainly interesting and has definitely caused some looks from the serious runners that are so good at the treadmill they can look at other people without fear of wobbling into the side rails and flying of the machine itself.
I bumped into my Dad in the gym today i haven't seen him for a since I first started out on my fitness plan so it was good to hear him say i was looking like i had lost weight. I have a strange relationship with Dad. He brought me and my sister up as i have mentioned before so i should be close to him but I'm not. He wasn't the easiest person to be around and still isn't now. When i think back i could apportion alot of the blame for my weight issues to him. when i was young i wasn't a great eater and he used to force feed me. There were times when i was being sick and he was still shovelling food in. I can remember one awful day were he was insistent that i eat a boiled egg (which i didn't like) and it got completely out of control he wanted everything on my plate eaten and of course the feel of the egg in my mouth combined with the taste and smell meant i was gagging away, eventually the inevitable happen and i was sick. On my plate. An hour later the plate was clear. I have never eaten egg since that day and have never boiled an egg either. If someone eats a boiled egg near me I have to leave the room. As i got older into my teens i would hide food everywhere and anywhere i could. It almost became like a defiance thing and in the end I just didn't eat. As i mentioned before my Dad was heavily into running and I wasn't so many a time i would get called fatty or lazy. This only fuelled my problems further and whether it was a control thing for me as he was so domineering in all aspects of my life or if i had developed some kind of phobia i don't know but these problems continued on until i became pregnant with my daughter. When i did start eating again my metabolism was all over the place and i just gained weight like there was no tomorrow. Also i have a real problem with leaving food on my plate, hell not just my plate either but the kids plates or any plates with leftovers on. I think that comes from not being able to stop eating until the plate was cleared. Still i cant be to harsh, i am a parent now and i know how frustrating it can be when the kids wont eat, although i would never force my kids to eat my Dad was just trying to do what he thought was best for me in the long run. My sister on the other hand was a star child. Ate what she was told to eat and ran when she was supposed to. None of this done wonders for my self esteem. But it would be to easy to heap all the blame on him i have to take some responsibility for myself.
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