how supportive should friends be ?????

All is going well, im still very much enjoying going to the gym and leading a more active lifestyle. This week i ran for ten whole minutes on the treadmill. Ok so it may not have been the fastest or most stylish action but i ran and i didnt have a heart attack so im pleased about that. I am starting to see results now and even though in total i have lost five pounds so far i couldnt see where from but yesterday whilst i was running i was looking around for things to distract myself with (anything other than the clock on the treadmill which im sure slows right down when i get on) and in the mirror infront of me i could see that my thighs are definately getting smaller !!! my other half is telling my my tummy is smaller but i cant see it. I do love his description of how its not hanging as much as it was !!!! if that doesnt spur me on then nothing will. The workout plan done for me at the gym is defo to easy so have been doing a few extra bits. My brother came to see me the other day and was very supportive and gave me some tips on what i should be doing.
One thing i am finding is that my friends although on the whole are all being very supportive there are a few who are intent on leading me astray. I have had it all, right from "cant you just miss the gym today" to " i take it you wont be coming for lunch anymore" No i cant just miss the gym, im massively overweight and to be honest i dont really want to go to the harvester and stuff my face. So far no gym sessions missed but i have just come back from lunch where my friend took it upon herself to order my food for me. No healthy option for me then. I know, i could just have said no or simply not eaten it but once its infront of me thats a bit difficult. Also i bloody paid for it so i was going to eat it. Tomorrow an old work friend wants to meet for lunch so thats twice in one week. It feels like i may as well have not bothered going to the gym this week. It sounds a bit like im being unreasonable but you wouldnt ask your newly recovered alcoholic friend to the pub would you ? Oh and on saturday night im meeting my best friend and a whole bunch of other friends for drinks and although im not worried about drinking making me put on weight i am worried that getting up for the gym on sunday morning may not happen, so the plan is stop drinking at midnight and then i should be fine as our gatherings have a habit of carrying on till 4 or 5 in the morning ! Its not like i get the chance to go out often so im going to enjoy it.
Next week the plan is to step things up a bit, at the moment im doing four gym sessions a week spilt over three week days and sunday but im not doing anything in between. I have three davina workout dvds so i think i will start doing one of them on a non gym day along with some ab work as i dont feel im targeting that area enough.

Well i have been busy

Ok so far its all going great, i did finally weigh myself at the gym. 217lbs !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which is roughly 15st 7. Oh dear, it wasnt too much of a shock as i knew i had put on alot more in the last few months, but still its big. At least that moment of standing on the scales has made me realise if i dont do something now i will just get bigger and bigger. I am trying to do something now and thats half the battle won. I brought a food processor and have been making lots of juice smoothies for breakfast and its really handy on a gym day as i dont feel too full to be exercising. The gym is going well. I had my induction last week and have been three times since and am going tomorrow too. The lady that showed me around devised a six week plan for me which to be totally honest felt a little too easy so i have just been adding little bits on here and there. Im doing 15 min on the seated bikes as a warm up i, then 10-12 min on the treadmill. This is a funny one as i have no balance and have never been able to run on one without holding onto the bar at the front, and im not a natural runner, in fact i hate it. Even when i was smaller its not something that i have ever really been that good at. Bit of a let down seeing as the rest of my family are all runners. My mum and my dad both were serious runners, mum did loads of marathons and my brother and sister were good at it too. When my dad used to send me and my sister of on a run i used to hide round the corner with a packet of ten b&h hiden down my socks and one of those pink matches that you can light of a wall. In the end dad gave up and i used to accompany him on his runs on my roller skates. The lady at the gym said i didnt need to run on the treadmill but because i want to push myself a bit harder around halfway thru my time on it i notch the pace up a bit and do a half fast walk shuffle jog without holding on. I have to say its much easier than running on the roads or round fields. After that its 15 min on the cross trainer and then 5 on the rowing machine. To round it of im doing some of the weights too, So hip abduction thing which looks like some kind of contraption you might find in a s&m dungeon, chest press, tricep press, seated row and knee extention. Two sets of 15 reps on each. I have no idea if thats actually going to  make a huge difference but its a start and i do feel better just knowing im doing something. I havent done too much different to my eating at the moment. Two reasons for this. I know from times before when i have exercised more that the natural gravitation towards eating the wrong things kind of goes once i start to get into working out. Its like i just dont want it. Also im finding im much more hungry at the moment and the minute i start to deny myself food is the time when i will eat everything i shouldnt. I am gradually trying to make some changes though as well as the smoothies im cutting down on bread and going for smaller portions at dinner. My son is really enjoying the creche and gets so excited when he sees my gym bag because he knows whats happening. Must be nice for him to have interaction with the other kids although the staff have mentioned that he spends 90 of his time in there playing with a wooden kitchen. Today has been a non gym day and to be honest i feel like i have let myself down a bet as could have done one of my dvds to make up for it or done some power plate things but havent. I still havent managed to get a picture yet but thats mainly because i havent got anyone to take a picture. im working on it though. So im off to have an earlyish night as gym first thing tomorrow !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xxxx

Day 2 !!!!!!!!

Ok so today is here, and yes things are starting to change. I joined the gym today, big wow, yes i know i said i have done it before but this time really is different.Its got a creche for my son and going by how he was today when we went to sign up he loves it. So if i dont go its like i am depriving him  of having a good time. He was straight off playing without a second look back to me. Its funny because you would think being overweight really only affects yourself but for me its affected almost everyone i know at some point. For my kids its been such an effect on them seeing as everytime we go out or do something im always holding back not wanting to draw attention to myself or i avoid situations completely. sometimes i get changed four times before even doing the school run and that can make us late. I feel depressed alot which has a knock on effect on them too. For my poor long suffering other half, well it must affect him although he would never say so. He is such a good bloke when we met i was a tiny size 8, pregnant within a year and never been the same since. if my body was a product that he brought then i would be being sued under the trade descriptions act. Good job its not. He told me he prefers me happy when i ask him about it. This is his way of being supportive and its quite cute really. My family suffered, my brother is a super fit health machine of a man and i just feel so inferior next to him and even though he isnt in the country alot and when he is back i hardly see him because i dont feel confident enough to be around him. This in turn deprives my children of an uncle. My friends suffer because because i dont feel confident to go out clubbing or dancing etc so now i hardly see them as all i ever do is come up with excuses not to go out. I dont feel like im ever being myself, funnily i feel like im half the person i should be when in reality im actually twice the person i should be ! So anyway, all signed up and im having an induction on friday, annoying as i could have done it tomorrow but need to take the daughter to the fracture clinic after a little fall playing netball last week shes currently sporting a sling. I try and encourage her to take part in all these activities not just so she stays fit but so she has the confidence that i never had as a child or now.
Other changes starting today are drinking more water, i really dont drink enough and as i have got older its starting to take its toll. My skin is terrible at the moment, all dry and spotty. The other day i could see a horrid yellow tinge to it so im hoping a bit of water will help there. Its funny i have always been lucky with my skin and never used creams or had treatments like massages but now im starting to think i would quite like a bit of pampering so thats going to be my first treat when i feel i deserve one. Im finally turning a bit girly after all these years. Today so far i reckon i have drunk about a pint and a half and im peeing like a racehorse but my head feels a little clearer than normal.
My other half is out tonight playing cricket, getting ready for the season ahead and i cant wait to be feeling a little bit more body confident in the summer cheering his team on with the other glammed up cricket wags ! i have not told him about my blog yet and i might not for a while. in fact i havent told anyone i know so it will probably be a miracle if it ever gets read. right im off for some more water before school run time xxx

introducing............

hi, well i suppose i should introduce myself a bit first. Im sarah, im overweight, im 30, i have two kids. There thats the first things you would know about me if you saw me in the street (well perhaps you wouldnt know my name, i dont randomly tell it to everyone i see) But the thing is thats what you would see, maybe you would make assumptions about why i am overweight, maybe you would feel sorry for me or perhaps you are a fellow fatty too and we would look at each other give a smile, the one that says i feel your pain, lets make friends so neither of us has to be the fat one !!!!
So why am i overweight ????? good question, do i gorge myself having a whole loaf of bread toasted for breakfast and followed by five quarterpounders for lunch ???? am i a secret midnight eater, sneaking to the fridge at the strike of 12 shoving down the first thing i get my hands on ? No but i do have the potential to be if i wanted. My problems with my weight are many, ranging from mild annorexia as a teen to being so lazy i have spent full days sat in front of the T.V watch cbeebies on a loop so my son entertains himself while i facebook. That makes me fully disgusted with myself and even though its only happened a few times the feeling of getting to school run pick up time and realising i have got nothing to show for my day will stay with me for some time.
Last xmas i hit a real milestone, i turned 30. I didnt have a party, i didnt feel i was worthy. Because for the last ten years i have been over weight. I gave birth the day after my 20th birthday and from that day to this every morning i have woken up thinking the same thing. IM FAT. What a waste of ten years of thoughts, its not just the mornings i think it, reguarly throughout the day the thought pops into my head, getting out the car IM FAT, going into tesco IM FAT parents evening IM FAT opening the front door IM FAT taking the kids to the park IM FAT. You get the point ????? It never goes away. Im sure most normal people by now would have done something about it, probably would have done it ages ago. I have tried but never really got anywhere. I know all the diets, i have the dvds, i have even joined the gym a few times, i have running shoes an exercise ball and a mat. Im still FAT though. I know what i need to do, i could even work as a personal trainer for the amount of fat busting/get fit tips i know.
So here i am, blogging ! im hoping that blogging about it will help because tomorrow im starting my challenge. not a diet though cos they dont work for me. But i am going to be more pro-active about my situation. Move more- eat better. Now i have said it i will have to do it. Im looking to lose about 4 stone. I dont actually know for sure how much i weigh now but i have put on more than a few inches since i last weighed myself, so im hazarding a guess at around 14st 7lb although this may be a little optimistic. Im not looking to be a waif i just want to feel fitter, and look better in my clothes. I tend to carry most of my weight around the middle gigving me a pregnant look ( works well on the tube) which is another reason for my sudden realisation that i cant wait for it to fall off on its own. I read somewhere that women carrying weight around the middle are more likely to have a heart attack. i have kids and i dont want to die yet.
I want people to read this blog and feel inspired, offer advice if you have it but most of all i need support and an arse kicking as soon as i start to flag. i will learn how to put pictures on here and am hoping to update weekly with images of my hopefully changing body, i will weigh myself and get a proper start weight down to so i can track what works and what doesnt.
So thats it for now, will be updating reguarly please check back for progress xxxxxx