Ok so today is here, and yes things are starting to change. I joined the gym today, big wow, yes i know i said i have done it before but this time really is different.Its got a creche for my son and going by how he was today when we went to sign up he loves it. So if i dont go its like i am depriving him of having a good time. He was straight off playing without a second look back to me. Its funny because you would think being overweight really only affects yourself but for me its affected almost everyone i know at some point. For my kids its been such an effect on them seeing as everytime we go out or do something im always holding back not wanting to draw attention to myself or i avoid situations completely. sometimes i get changed four times before even doing the school run and that can make us late. I feel depressed alot which has a knock on effect on them too. For my poor long suffering other half, well it must affect him although he would never say so. He is such a good bloke when we met i was a tiny size 8, pregnant within a year and never been the same since. if my body was a product that he brought then i would be being sued under the trade descriptions act. Good job its not. He told me he prefers me happy when i ask him about it. This is his way of being supportive and its quite cute really. My family suffered, my brother is a super fit health machine of a man and i just feel so inferior next to him and even though he isnt in the country alot and when he is back i hardly see him because i dont feel confident enough to be around him. This in turn deprives my children of an uncle. My friends suffer because because i dont feel confident to go out clubbing or dancing etc so now i hardly see them as all i ever do is come up with excuses not to go out. I dont feel like im ever being myself, funnily i feel like im half the person i should be when in reality im actually twice the person i should be ! So anyway, all signed up and im having an induction on friday, annoying as i could have done it tomorrow but need to take the daughter to the fracture clinic after a little fall playing netball last week shes currently sporting a sling. I try and encourage her to take part in all these activities not just so she stays fit but so she has the confidence that i never had as a child or now.
Other changes starting today are drinking more water, i really dont drink enough and as i have got older its starting to take its toll. My skin is terrible at the moment, all dry and spotty. The other day i could see a horrid yellow tinge to it so im hoping a bit of water will help there. Its funny i have always been lucky with my skin and never used creams or had treatments like massages but now im starting to think i would quite like a bit of pampering so thats going to be my first treat when i feel i deserve one. Im finally turning a bit girly after all these years. Today so far i reckon i have drunk about a pint and a half and im peeing like a racehorse but my head feels a little clearer than normal.
My other half is out tonight playing cricket, getting ready for the season ahead and i cant wait to be feeling a little bit more body confident in the summer cheering his team on with the other glammed up cricket wags ! i have not told him about my blog yet and i might not for a while. in fact i havent told anyone i know so it will probably be a miracle if it ever gets read. right im off for some more water before school run time xxx
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