I had a bad weekend, a car breakdown ruined our lovely trip to the seaside and four days later my car is still at the seaside in a garage and has had so much work done to it that the money im spending on fixing it is more than the car is acually worth. Then I went to the gym on sunday and had a terrible workout, felt like I may as well have not bothered going. I just couldnt get my head into it and could only manage a five minute jog on the treadmill although I did 20 on the bike and 15 on the cross trainer for some reason the run is for me the thing that makes me feel like I have worked hard. Had a big domestic with the other half on Sunday afternoon, big enough to leave me wondering about the state of our relationship and if it really is all worth it. Monday brought more misery, no gym. couldnt get there without the car. Daughter asking me if I still loved Daddy !!! That was a hard one to hear, "of course I do, its just sometimes I dont like him" was my reply. Is that an acceptable answer for a ten year old ? More news on the car telling me it was going take longer than they thought was just enough to send me over the edge. The other half then walks thru the door with 20 fags for me (thats a romamtic gesture in my house and I wouldnt have it any other way) and within seconds im in tears. What a soppy muppet. I realise now that i dont really need to question our relationship even though he is a complete arse sometimes.
The thing is it doesnt take much to send me into a mini depression, having suffered since I was in my teens and been on and off medication for it I know the signs that im heading for a big dip.When im feeling low I do over think things, I wouldnt say I dramatise but I just cant see the simple veiw, or the positive sides. Its all bad, grey and wrong. I can feel this coming and it frightens me, but having my new plan at the gym in place is going to help. Excercise isnt just for weight loss. They say that when you exercise your body releases happy endorphins. I have a feeling im going to be testing that theory out quite a bit.
Monday night I sat and typed out the next blog entry, Iwas sat in bed because the silence in the front room was unbearable (both too stubborn to give in and talk to each other) It was just finished when he came in for bed so I quickly saved it meaning to come back and post it later. Thank god I did. Having read it back its a load of moany drivel and basically just letting you all know what a terrible man my other half is. Now I have learnt two things from this
1) Never write whilst in the middle of a domestic
2) If I do, dont post it. Save it then read it back two days later and see what a self indulgent prat I am being.
Having not managed to get to the gym today either I absolutely must go tomorrow or I will have another day of feeling like im letting myself down and giving up too easily. Im booked on an R.P.M class first thing, the kids are going to hate me come the morning when I drag them out of bed to get there on time. The good side of not having the car means I am doing alot of walking but i should have it back by tomorrow and normal service can be resumed.
No comments:
Post a Comment